Hi Owain, well you got plenty of ideas for the dog, but not much for the bike
..
In days gone by when we used to do the "café runs" most of us wanted loud Goldie silencers but one guy went the reverse, he fitted a siamesed exhaust system with one of the later s/a mufflers. It was sooo quiet and smooth that he used to blast past us all without us realizing he was coming - this would be a good solution for your problem because the single muffler is on the offside of the bike and it sounds like you need to replace the silencers anyway
...enjoy the run.