Author Topic: Just a laugh.  (Read 754 times)

Offline muskrat

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Just a laugh.
« on: 06.03. 2013 19:08 »
Sent to me by another forum member. Thought all here would enjoy.
Cheers


 THE LEGACY OF JOSEPH LUCAS
________________________________________
Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation know as "smoke".
Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.
For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to function.
 
In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!
The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterward.
Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring very unsightly large wires.
It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph Lucas, Ltd.
Remember: “A gentleman does not motor about after dark.”
so said  Joseph Lucas . . . .  aka   “The Prince of Darkness”
1842-1903

A few Lucas quips:
The Lucas motto: “Get home before dark.”
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

Back in the ‘70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.
This has been referred to as the smoke theory - when the smoke comes out its finished, cooked or done for.
 
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Online bsa-bill

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Re: Just a laugh.
« Reply #1 on: 06.03. 2013 19:57 »
Ah yes the smoke theory, but you missed the really clever bit, that's where the smoke flowing through the headlamp bulb sucks in the darkness leaving a beam of light

Quote
British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
Thankfully our enemies believed the secret (lies)we told them
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Online metalflake11

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Re: Just a laugh.
« Reply #2 on: 06.03. 2013 21:07 »
Wierd that a man who made so much money from auto electrics, hated trucks, bikes and cars...........I mean honestly, he must have done!
 Did they ever use his products on aeroplanes? That would be scary! *warn*
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Offline a10gf

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Re: Just a laugh.
« Reply #3 on: 06.03. 2013 22:10 »
Nice to re-read about the great Smoke Theory (previously posted http://a7a10.net/forum/index.php/topic,151.0.html )
Quote
three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
Quote
the headlamp bulb sucks in the darkness
lol++

NOS Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke:
http://www.lrfaq.org/Series/eBAY_NOS_Lucas_electrical_harness_replacement_smoke.pdf
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Online metalflake11

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Re: Just a laugh.
« Reply #4 on: 06.03. 2013 22:18 »
Dear me! somebody has bid $199 for some smoke in a jar!   *smile*
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Offline cotterpinkid

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Re: Just a laugh.
« Reply #5 on: 06.03. 2013 22:53 »
Dear me! somebody has bid $199 for some smoke in a jar!   *smile*

Pukka Lucas replacement smoke though!
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Offline Topdad

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Re: Just a laugh.
« Reply #6 on: 07.03. 2013 12:20 »
Very funny think I saw that a few years ago but still had me in pleats whilst smoke,smolder and ignite had the computer covered in tea where I spluttered it out ,musky's  revenge on me !!
Only thing I'll take anyone to task about in it was the warm beer, THIS BLOODY COUNTRY'S NOT BEEN WARM ENOUGH FOR THE LAST 2 YRS TO WARM ME LET ALONE WARM MY BEER  , which isn't around long enough for any thermal conduction anyway, Cheers BobH.
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Online morris

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Re: Just a laugh.
« Reply #7 on: 07.03. 2013 20:47 »

Sheer poetry Musky. It's got a laugh and a tear, and makes you feel warm inside for all things British....

Came across a good one also when surfing the net the other day;

http://porklips.org/~mason/stories/zorkumph.txt
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