Author Topic: An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven  (Read 686 times)

Online Greybeard

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An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven
« on: 29.12. 2014 15:28 »
An Aussie Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.

'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the Blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the Blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?

The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year'?

The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The Blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'
'Easy,' said the Blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'
'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'
'It's Andy.'
'Andy??'
'Yes, Andy,' said the Blonde.
This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the Blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled.'

And the Blonde entered Heaven...

Online trevinoz

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Re: An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven
« Reply #1 on: 29.12. 2014 20:37 »
But she was of Irish descent.   *fight*

Offline terryk

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Re: An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven
« Reply #2 on: 04.01. 2015 15:04 »
Hey Trev he only said Aussie blonde cause Pommy blondes don't know the words to waltzing matilda they couldn't answer the question.
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Online kiwipom

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Re: An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven
« Reply #3 on: 04.01. 2015 21:52 »
hi guys, seeing as it`s joke time here is another, cheers
..Australia Computer Terminology - Getting ready for Broadband in the bush!!
LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys.
WINDOWS: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season..
BYTE: What mozzies do
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A pub snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives and forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK:What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.


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Online bsa-bill

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Re: An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven
« Reply #4 on: 04.01. 2015 22:07 »
and SPAM = a mix of pork and ham - delightful if fried in batter

Google and Yahoo - not going there *smile*
All the best - Bill
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1959 Rocket Gold Flash - blinged and tarted up  would have seizure if taken to  Tesco

Online trevinoz

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Re: An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven
« Reply #5 on: 05.01. 2015 20:20 »
What's this? A "pick on Aussies thread"?   

Online morris

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Re: An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven
« Reply #6 on: 05.01. 2015 22:12 »
What's this? A "pick on Aussies thread"?
I don't think so Trev. We're all world citizens, so in a way it affects all of us... *smile*

Talking about Australia, hope you guys who live in and around Adelaide are not to bothered by those bush fires? We're having it on the TV news for a couple of days now. Seems really bad.
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Online Triton Thrasher

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Re: An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven
« Reply #7 on: 05.01. 2015 23:08 »
I have wondered what this part of the forum is for.


It must be for keeping some sorts of stuff off the rest of the forum.

Offline admin

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Re: An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven
« Reply #8 on: 05.01. 2015 23:25 »
I have wondered what this part of the forum is for.

It must be for keeping some sorts of stuff off the rest of the forum.

In practice quite correct, does a valuable job at keeping the technical boards focused and on topic :O)
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Offline terryk

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Re: An Aussie Blonde goes to Heaven
« Reply #9 on: 09.01. 2015 15:20 »
I'm glad you shared that Kiwipom it's good the world knows how tough we are here in Townsville Australia. We fight mozzies the size of eagles, wild drop bears that attack from the trees, the deadliest snakes in the world one bite and don't bother going anywhere your dead in a few minutes and spiders that'll kill ya to. Our blondes also know the answers to the questions to get into heaven.
1950-53 A10 rigid/plungers, 1958-61 A10 super rockets, 1947-50 A7 longstrokes, 1949 Star twin,
1951-54 A7 plungers, 1940s M21, WDM20s,
1948-50s B33s rigid/plunger/swingarm, 1948-50s b31s rigid/plunger/swingarm