Not having english as my first language (or lack of intelligence), I don't understand anything mentioned above....
Johnny, it's quite a simple game really:
There are 2 teams, one team goes in, (sorry, forgot to mention that before anyone goes in the captains toss off to decide who goes in first), well then as each player goes out he bats until he gets out and the other team get closer to going in. So when they're all out the other team goes in and bats until they all go out. Then the bowling team comes back in and tries to bowl the other team out, so when each one of them is out the other team comes in and they bat until they go out.
etc, etc...
They do all this over a five day period, and the whole of England and the whole of Australia are completely transfixed by the whole thing. Then.... They do it again four times.
At the end of it the winner gets a tiny jug full of ashes.

Jools