Author Topic: Aussie Day Humour  (Read 1044 times)

Offline muskrat

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Aussie Day Humour
« on: 25.01. 2010 20:26 »
Happy Australia day to all Aussies, home and abroad. Throw a lamb chop on the barbie.

Terror Alert Levels
 

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A
 Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940
when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
"Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
 "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
 
The Scots raised their threat level from "***** Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have
 been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
 
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are
 "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a
 heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout
loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
 
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
 
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
 
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
 These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
 
Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on
all of their allies, just in case.
 
And in the southern hemisphere...
 
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".
Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty
 teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime
Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which
is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
 
 Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is
 cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level.
 
 
'51 A7 plunger, '57 A7SS now A10CR,  '83 CB1100F, 88 FXST .
Australia
Muskys Plunger A7

Offline Beezageezauk

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Re: Aussie Day Humour
« Reply #1 on: 25.01. 2010 21:45 »
Hey muskrat, that's excellent and really appeals to my sense of humour.  Thanks for sharing it with us.  You've made my day. *smile* *smile* *smile*

Beezageezauk.

Offline MG

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Re: Aussie Day Humour
« Reply #2 on: 26.01. 2010 09:01 »
ROFLMFAO   *smile* *smile* *smile* *smile* *smile* *smile* *smile*
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Offline muskrat

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Re: Aussie Day Humour
« Reply #3 on: 26.01. 2010 09:17 »
Ok MG I make that Roll Over From Laughing My Fat Ass Off, am I close ?
Cheers
'51 A7 plunger, '57 A7SS now A10CR,  '83 CB1100F, 88 FXST .
Australia
Muskys Plunger A7

Offline MG

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Re: Aussie Day Humour
« Reply #4 on: 26.01. 2010 09:35 »
Rolling On Floor Laughing My Freaking Ass Off

Fortunately I don't have a weight problem  *smile*
1955 A7 Shooting Star
1956 A10 Golden Flash
1961 Matchless G12 CSR

www.histo-tech.at - Restoration, Repairs, Racing

Austria

Offline a10gf

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Re: Aussie Day Humour
« Reply #5 on: 26.01. 2010 09:39 »
Excellent!

"a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory"  *smile* +++

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"Success only gets you a ticket to a much more difficult task"

Offline terryk

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Re: Aussie Day Humour
« Reply #6 on: 26.01. 2010 11:11 »
Happy Australia day to you to Muskrat. I didnt have any lamb today but I did eat a meat pie with tomato sauce. They didnt have any peas to have with it though but as long as it has sauce its ok.
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Online Brian

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Re: Aussie Day Humour
« Reply #7 on: 26.01. 2010 21:06 »
Good one Muskrat, by pure coincidence I have a picture of the New Zealand navy on patrol.